Let’s face it. We’ve all been through and done that. At some point in life, you have either broken someone else’s heart or someone had broken your heart. Heart breaking is not gender specific. It does not discriminate. Everyone gets it. It is just unfortunate that some of us seems to get the most of these heart breaks while others for some very odd reasons are lucky to only experience smaller amount in time.
Yes, I know. This hurts so much. You spend endless night just thinking about what have you done wrong to deserve all of this. How easy it is for someone to wake up the next morning and out of the blue just no longer loves you? How did they do that? How could they do that? You begin this endless road of trying to figure out how to get him/her back. How to fix this so we can be together again? What is it about the other person he/she is with right now? Was it the sex? Was it my look? Or was it because I wasn’t good enough for him/her?
I am not an expert when it comes to relationships. If I were, I probably would have been married by now, with a loving husband, kids and some pet named Pete. But I am not. I have, however, gone through a good number of heartbreaks in the past. They said they liked me but it turns out they like more about themselves than just liking me. I have dated men who treated me wrongly, but it wasn’t until later that I realized they are not the one for me.
There are nights where I wake up and simply found myself sitting in darkness and crying my heart out. This sounds a bit dramatic but I thought I was going to die back then. Every morning I wake up and literally had to remind myself to breath. Take a deep breath before I start my days.
Some men, I still believe the majority of them, have integrity. I have learned to thank them for this. They were honest. They have told me with their good hearts that “I don’t like you anymore.” or “I can’t be with you.” etc. They politely withdrew themselves from my life. No more morning texts, no more good night calls. They moved on to a different path. But they were honest about this. They told me the truth that I didn’t want to hear.
Yes, of course. This no doubt left me broken hearted. I cried, I asked myself if it was me. I obviously don’t have the body they all dreamed for. I am not tall enough for them. I am not sexy enough for them. All these things about “me” began to crumble like an avalanche. I felt I was going to be buried underneath. I was desperately crying for help. But, it really didn’t matter who answered my calls. Because deep down inside of me was still hoping that the person who have done this to me would turn around and come back. A simple text, a short phone call. Anything at all would make me believe that I am still desirable, to him.
But the truth is, this is not how it’s going to work.
It took me years to come to term with myself. I am enough. In fact, I am more than enough for anybody. I am too much and it would take a whole lot of work for him to have me. Yes, I do not have the body that every men desire, but it doesn’t take long for someone to see beyond the outer layer of beauty. I may not be a sex machine diva but I maybe adventurous on trying out new things. There is nothing wrong with “me”. It’s them. They simply were not the one for me and that’s okay because now I know who they are and more importantly I begin to learn about who I am.
Instead of looking for someone else to replace my empty holes inside, I started to work on myself. I took classes, sign up to gym, visit museums and art centers all around the city. I traveled. I met new people and made new friends. I read books, watched movies, attended concerts, etc. I spend more time working on myself than sitting in the dark and feel sorry for myself. I did everything that I could possibly think of to make my own happiness.
And then, it just happened. Just like that. I no longer wish to be desirable for anyone else. My goal in life is to make myself desirable to me. I do not need someone to tell me how great I am when I already know I am. And I most definitely do not need someone to complete me when I am already complete. I am more than enough for anybody. My happiness does not depend on how others are treating me. I am my own happiness. It is really not complicated at all.
Smile. Do things you feel good about yourself. Take classes. Travel to a new country. Do things you have never done before. Because now that you are a free person, you no longer need to work on anyone else but yourself. You need to believe that you are desirable. You walk into a room and everyone in your presence should be honored to have you in that room.
Love yourself, that is how to mend a broken heart.
So, go ahead. Cry. Let your tear drops fall and let your sorrows drown you tonight. But, wipe your tears, pick yourself up. Put on the most beautiful dress you have in your closet tomorrow morning. Stand up. Stand up proudly for who you are. Live for yourself and not for others. What’s broken can not be unbroken but we can be wiser and stop holding others bad behaviors against ourselves. There is absolutely nothing wrong with us. They were just not into us. It’s ok to move on without them in our lives.